Bad memories and New Hope
by SpikesLoverRomanceObsessionx
Summary: Everyone else on Earth may have forgotten the year that never happed, the year the Master took over but Captain Jack does, reflections, bad memories and new hope.


AN

AN. This is new version of Bad memories New Hope, thanks to my beta Captain Spag!! R&R

Disclaimer: I own nothing

So I'd returned, back the old routine, back to Torchwood, my gang, and the world was back to the way it should be. No one remembers that year, the year that never was, but I do. And so does the Doctor, Martha and her family. I shouldn't forget Lucy Saxon, she remembers, the one who ended it all.

Sometimes I wake up at night, breathing hard and sweating, awaking from nightmares.

The drums the Master talked about, that rhythm.

I'd spent a whole year tied up like a dog in the boiler room, dirty, sweating and uncomfortable, in a constant half starved state.

Whenever he felt like it, the Master would visit me. I always knew when he was going to appear because my guards would straighten up and stand to attention like little toy soldiers. Then I'd hear the clacking sound of his well polished shoes on the floor, sometimes he'd be singing a song and other times he would out at me and something like "Tada!" as if he'd just done a magic trick.

I would raise my head and meet his gaze. I would give him a lazy smile probably because I was half crazed since all of this had happened. My cocky attitude had gone.

"Well Freak," he asked, "what kind of game shall we play today?" I gave him no reply.

"Ah, not going to talk, eh Captain?" he said giving me a manic grin.

I remained silent, closed my eyes briefly. I knew what was coming, I was about to die. Anyway, I decided to say something back, some good 'last' words.

"This is getting a bit boring now, don't you think?" I laughed while he remained silently watching me. "Cut the show and do it already, or leave me alone. You're wasting your -"

I was cut short as he suddenly whipped out his laser screwdriver and fired right into my heart. I gasped as a burning pain shot through me and while thinking '_here we go again' _the light faded and I just heard the master say, "That's all folks,_ handsome _Jack has left the building!"

And then the dim light and smoky hell would return, I would gasp for my breath. What I hated most was what that bastard had done to the Doctor. He pushed him roughly around in a wheelchair, sometimes tipping him to the floor and watching the Doctor struggle to escape. Whenever I was brought out to watch this, I'd pull at my chains and grit my teeth in rage, knowing there was nothing I could do.

When everything was silent, I'd stand there and let my mind wander, wondering where Martha was, what she was doing and was she still alive? I also worried greatly over Torchwood. They were probably all dead. These thoughts always brought tears to my eyes, every time.

Another time the Master had come along; he was hiding something behind his back. He walked right up to me and didn't say anything.

"I want to hear you say my name, Freak," he commanded in a sweet kind of voice. "Say it!"

I stayed silent, tight lipped.

"Say it now!" he said that pervious tone gone from his voice as he revealed a knife he had been hiding. I flinched back at the sight of it but still said something. I couldn't give up and give him what he wanted.

"Fine, you choose this Captain; I will break you, you that don't you?"

And without say anything else, he stabbed me in the chest. I felt my warm blood flowing down me and onto the floor. No matter how many times I die the pain never goes away, it's always there, almost able to make me feel alive.

"Say me name." He was still there, arms crossed expectantly. Looking rather childish in his need, but horrific all the same.

"No," I whispered as strongly as I could just as my strength left me.

"Sorry, didn't hear you." Another stab, this time to my neck. The blood gushed out from the wound and the Master stepped back to avoid it. It was slow, this death stabbings, which were always much slower than being simply shot.

But eventually the live did leave me and again I woke gasping for breath, hearing the Master's footsteps fading into the distance.

Sitting here now, in my office back at the Hub, I can hardly believe it happened. Now it seems like it was just some long, hellish nightmare. And then the first day back, I mean I wasn't expecting to be welcomed with open arms as I'd abandoned them, left them on their own.

But not a moment of peace, a moment to catch up, have a chat. But no, immortality wasn't that kind. An old lover from the past, it was such a shock as I hadn't seen him in many lifetimes. He was still the same man, maybe looking slightly older. But I knew he hadn't come by just for a social visit, how many times did that happen? He wanted something.

He'd crossed the line, fooled us all into thinking that he'd loved this woman and so forth. It had all been a lie; he'd nearly killed my team. He did kill me; the look on his face when he was surrounded made me laugh. You never get used to that look, when someone's seen you die or killed you and then you turn up _alive _behind them. They jump and say the typical, "I thought you were dead" or "You must be a ghost." Then I reply with something like, "I got better" or "Boo!"

It was my turn to be shocked when I sent him away, as John faded into the golden light; he turned and said, "Oh, by the way, I found Grey." Just like that, it blew my mind into total shock. He grinned sly like, turned and the golden light swallowed him up.

Never mind who Grey is, well for now anyway.

The Doctor had explained why I was immortal, why he left me behind. To tell you the truth I was still slightly annoyed that he'd done that but he told me. He even asked if I wanted to go with him. I would have loved to. I nearly jumped at the chance and the old me would have.

But I was a new man, and I had responsibilities. Torchwood, my gang and protecting the human race from alien threat.

I hope to see the Doctor again someday, and know I will. This new Doctor, that I would love to get to know the immortals.

But for now, I'm content, Owen, Tosh and Ianto, because as I said to Gwen, "The 21st Century is when everything changes ..."

And I wouldn't miss that for the world


End file.
